When Leaders Fail

To say it’s been a painful year for the Church is an understatement. It seems like every month we hear about another church leader who falls, confessing to sexual sin and/or sexual abuse. Most shocking is that some of these incidents involved sexual abuse of minors.

It’s happening with such frequency we can become numb to sexual abuse in the church as if it’s a normal thing. It is heartbreaking, painful and embarrassing.

There has been a lot said on social media about justice for victims and accountability for pastors. Both of these are incredibly important, but that’s not what this post is about.

I want to talk about how I process what is happening. My hope is that this will help you process as well.

When someone you love and respect falls, you go through a grieving process. If the person who falls is a leader and you follow their teachings, there is a loss.

My first expereince with this kind of loss was with Marie.

I was 16 years old when I met Marie in October of 1975. She was dating my dad. My Dad, a single parent had dated many women, but Marie was different. She radiated the love of God and when she talked to you, you believed that she loved you. Marie was the first person who told me about Christ.

A few months later, Marie broke up with my Dad because he was not a believer. Shortly after this, through a series of events orchestrated by the Holy Spirit, my Dad was born again. Then, in May of 1976, Marie and my Dad married and Marie became my stepmom.

There was an immediate change in our home. Our home went from a place of depression to a place of light and joy. A few months later I gave my life to Christ and my brothers followed. Marie was the person who led me and my entire family to Christ. She was my hero.

About a year after receiving Christ, I graduated from high school and headed to Oklahoma to attend Rhema Bible College. My life had completely turned around and I was following God with all my heart.

Then I received a handwritten letter from Marie in October of my freshman year. It was a heartbreaking letter where Marie told me that she didn’t love my dad anymore and she was leaving him. Of course, she wasn’t just leaving my dad, she was leaving me.

I was a young Christian attending College in a new city 900 miles away from home. I didn’t have anybody to talk to. I went out into the woods and cried and prayed for two hours.

At first, I was in denial. “This can’t be happening. Maybe they will get back together.”

That is what I prayed for, but it didn’t happen.

Then I was angry. “Marie isn’t better than anybody else. I thought she was a real Christian.”

Then I went into a deep depression. I wanted to quit. It felt like the story about how God brought my dad and Marie together was a total sham. I used to have a good testimony to tell people and now it was all messed up. It began to affect the foundation of my Christianity.

I had thoughts like, “Marie is a total liar. My Dad is a hypocrite. Maybe this Christian thing is fake.” I thought about quitting school, packing my bags, and driving home to Michigan, but I didn’t.

One scripture that helped me was “For I, however I am placed, I have learned to be independent of circumstances.” Philippians 4:11 (20th Century Translation)

In the end, I chose to be independent of the circumstances.

• I realized I couldn’t control what Marie did.
• I couldn’t control what my Dad did.
• I could only control what I did.

I can’t control the family I came from. It’s messed up, but I can control the family I create.

Instead of running away from Christ, I increased my commitment to Him. I’m going to continue my education, graduate from Bible College, and follow the Lord’s plan for my life.

This is the only way I know how to deal with all the stuff that is happening. Instead of running away from my faith, I choose to increase my commitment to Christ.

I find myself going through the same stages of grief today.

Typically, my first response when I hear an accusation against a leader is denial. I’ve seen how the Holy Spirit speaks through that man. “There is no way he could have done that.”

Then when the rumor turns out to be true, I get angry. I get angry at the recklessness of some pastors and church leaders. My heart breaks for the innocent victims of sexual abuse, for the dedicated ministry staff who didn’t do anything wrong and may now have to find new jobs, and for multiple thousands of church members whose lives are interrupted as they search for new spiritual homes.

Sometimes I deal with depressing thoughts.

• Why does this keep happening?
• Is anybody committed to sexual purity and holiness?
• Is ministry worth it?

There are times I am embarrassed of my profession. When I meet people for the first time, I don’t want to tell them that I am a pastor.

Then I go back to Philippians 4:11.

I can’t control what other leaders do. I can only control what I do. I choose to be independent of circumstances.

This is the only way I know how to deal with all the stuff that is happening.

• Instead of running away from my faith, I choose to increase my commitment to Christ.
• I’m not going to quit.
• I choose to walk in sexual purity and holiness. I choose to honor the vows I made to my wife.

On Sunday at church, we sang the song, Firm Foundation by Cody Carnes. It was perfect for right now and as we sang it the heaviness and depression lifted off of me.

Christ is my firm foundation
The rock on which I stand
When everything around me is shaken
I’ve never been more glad
That I put my faith in Jesus
‘Cause He’s never let me down
He’s faithful through generations
So why would He fail now?

He won’t, He won’t
He won’t fail, He won’t fail
He won’t

Others may fail you, but Christ will not.

When you feel like giving up, run to him instead.

New Monday With Mark, click the image below to watch on YouTube now!