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The Difference Between Parenting And Pastoring
We hear a lot today about family ministry and partnering with parents.
While I agree with the concept of integrating strategy and creating synergy between the church and the home it is important to realize that there is a big difference between parenting and pastoring.
The church and the home may have the same goals, but we don’t have the same assignment.
I can’t pastor like I parent and I can’t parent like I pastor.
For example, as a parent I may decide that Sesame Street is a bad show and I don’t want my kids to watch it. Perhaps I think it is too worldly, but if I get up in my Preschool class and preach against Sesame Street I’m going to create some problems.
The odds are pretty high that many kids in my preschool class watch Sesame Street and their parents are okay with it.
Now I’ve just created a wedge between the church and the home instead of creating synergy.
The truth is, it’s best to let parents decide what TV shows they think are good for their own kids.
On the other hand, as a pastor I may be in a better position to present the Gospel to the kids in my class.
Please don’t misunderstand me – I’m not saying that parents shouldn’t present the Gospel to their own children.
I’m simply suggesting the church may be more effective in presenting the Gospel to children than their parents and here’s why.
As parents we spend a big portion of our time trying to get our kids to obey, to follow the rules, to clean their room and do their homework.
One key to getting your kids to obey you is to be consistent with your discipline.
If your son or daughter breaks the rules there is a price to pay – perhaps a spanking or loss of privilege. In other words, kids learn to obey out of fear of the penalty.
The Gospel is an entirely different message.
The Gospel says that Jesus paid the price for our disobedience.
In other words, God spanked Jesus instead of spanking me.
Yes, it makes God angry when I sin, but He poured out all of His anger on Jesus when He was on the cross.
Today both of my kids are married and have children of their own.
One thing that I discovered as they were growing up was I couldn’t be both their father and their pastor.
I had to focus on parenting my kids and trust God to bring someone along that would pastor them.
(This was hard to do because I think I’m a really good pastor.)
The bottom line is that the church and the home need to work together to reach the next generation, but lets not confuse our assignments.
Every child needs a pastor and a parent – preferably two parents.
Great article! I have a question for you. I am the children’s pastor of a small church, therefore I am my 3 kids’ Mom and Pastor. Do you have any advice on how to do this? I find it is somewhat difficult in class sometimes, because they want me to be “Mom” but I am needing to be “Pastor Elizabeth”. I have other volunteer teachers who are in there, but as the paid pastor, I am in there every Wednesday and 2 Sundays. I love the fact that it is easy for me to relate the lesson & verse we learned at church in our home life, and feel like that its the biggest benefit of being both. Having been raised in a Senior Pastor’s home, it is very natural for me to have my parents be my pastors, so feel like I can relate with them on the joys & struggles of that. I would appreciate any insight though, especially in regards to discipline in the classroom when it is own children. THANKS!!
Great question Elizabeth, When my kids were in my class I asked then to address me as ‘Pastor Mark’. Some people thought this was too formal, but it helped my kids to understand that I was Pastor Mark at that point and don’t ask me any “Dad’ questions. It also helped to communicate to the other kids that my children did not get any special treatment. At church they had to go by the same rules as everybody else. When your kids are really young I think you can fulfill both roles as long as you understand both roles. Don’t mix parenting your child with evangelizing your child. Also begin to pray and believe God for someone who can help you pastor your kids as they get older. Your children will need someone to talk to other than Mom when they get to be 9 or 10. Thank you for all you do for the Kingdom. Keep running your race.