The Big Lie the Church Tells Christian Parents

“Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” – Proverbs 22:6

To be transparent, I’ve preached it from the pulpit; chances are you have, too. The problem is that this doesn’t work.

Many children of good Christian parents choose to leave the faith every year, and parents tend to blame themselves when this happens.

“What did I do wrong?”

Sometimes, parents blame the church, and sometimes, parents get furious at God.

Here is the problem. We have taken this scripture out of context. We have misused it to say something that it does not say.

Proverbs 22:6 is a parenting scripture.

It’s not a scripture about salvation.

The scripture says you can train your children to behave through consistent discipline.

Herein lies the problem. Salvation does not come through obeying the rules. It comes by grace through faith.

If your good works cannot save you, then your good parenting cannot save your kids.

You can be the best parent in the world and make all the right choices, but you cannot save your child from hell.

Only Christ can do that.

One problem is that we mix the scriptures on evangelism and parenting, and we tend to think they are different regarding children. You can make your child clean her room or do her homework, but you cannot make her have a relationship with Christ.

That is something she has to choose to do because she loves Jesus.

Please don’t misunderstand me.

You have a lot of influence over your children, and God wants you to influence your kids for Christ just as He wants you to influence your neighbors for Christ. You cannot make your kids love Jesus, but there are things you can do as a parent that will cause them to run to God and things you can do that will cause them to run from God.

If you are a hypocrite – you act one way at church and another way at home, your kids won’t believe you when you talk to them about Jesus.

Another reason kids leave the church is legalism. Many churchgoers grow up thinking they can never measure up. Their parents are inflexible and live by a list of do’s and don’ts.

These parents tend to freak out when their kids sin like they have never sinned.

The concept of grace never seems to enter the conversation.

So, are there things I can do to lead my child to Christ? Absolutely.

Look at what God said to the Israelites in Chapter 12 of Exodus concerning the Passover lamb. I am choosing this story because it has nothing to do with a child’s behavior and everything to do with salvation.

“Tell the whole community of Israel that on the tenth day of this month, each man is to take a lamb for his family, one for each household…Take care of them until the fourteenth day of the month, when all the members of the community of Israel must slaughter them at twilight. Then they are to take some of the blood and put it on the sides and tops of the doorframes of thehouses where they eat the lambs… Obey these instructions as a lasting ordinance for you and your descendants. When you enter the land that the LORD will give you as he promised, observe this ceremony. And when your children ask, ‘What does this ceremony mean to you?’ Then tell them, ‘It is the Passover sacrifice to the LORD, who passed over the houses of the Israelites in Egypt and spared our homes when he struck down the Egyptians.’” Then the people bowed down and worshiped.”

I heard Jack Hayford teach this scripture a few years ago. He said,

“God instructed the children of Israel to select a lamb four days before the Passover and bring it into their home. I believe God did this so the family and the children would become attached to the lamb before the slaughter.

He wanted them to feel the emotion when they sacrificed the lamb. Just a little bit of the pain it cost the Father to sacrifice His Son.”

This was not a pretty picture. I’m sure the kids were crying when the lambs were slaughtered.

Then, they had to take the blood of their lamb and smear it on the doorpost of their house. The children of Israel could not save their own kids. They needed the power of God to save their children. The mighty Egyptian armies were the ones that were crying in the morning as the blood of the Lamb saved the Israelites.

Here are six things we can learn from Exodus, Chapter 12:

1. God did not intend to protect the kids from the emotion of this event. He wanted them to experience the pain of loss.
2. For children to understand God’s grace, they need to understand the price that Jesus paid for their sins.
3. The Lord wants us to preach the deep things of the Word to our kids. Don’t hold anything back.
4. Parenting and discipleship are two different things.
5. When God does supernatural stuff, it makes a powerful impact on our kids.
6. Parents depend on the Holy Spirit to lead their kids to Christ. This is hard for us because we like to be in control.

The good news is that we don’t have to do it alone. The Holy Spirit will help us. We must do our part and allow the Holy Spirit to draw our children to Christ.

A final word of encouragement. If you have adult children not serving the Lord, don’t quit believing and praying. Stop blaming yourself. Guilt doesn’t accomplish anything. Release your adult children to Father God and trust him to bring them home.

Several years ago, I was going through a period of depression because my son was not walking with the Lord. I was weeping and broken before the Lord, and the Holy Spirit whispered to me, “He’s my son, too.” I kept praying for him but released him to the Lord, knowing that God could do a better job than I could. A few years later, he returned to Father’s house and continued to be powerful for the Lord.