Can Obedience Be a Bad Thing?

When I was a young father my primary goal was to get my kids to obey. It was a good feeling when I asked my kids to do something and they did what I asked. I felt like I was a successful parent because my children obeyed me, however we should parent with the end in mind.

If the goal in parenting is to get my kids to obey me then my children become dependent on me to make their decisions for them. The true goal in parenting is to teach our kids to think for themselves and make wise decisions.

In other words, obedience is a means to the end, but it is not the finish line. The ultimate prize is when our kids hear God and obey their heavenly father.

If I could get a do-over on my parenting, I would focus less on obedience and more on training my kids to make wise decisions.

How do I teach my kids to make wise decisions?

Here are my top six suggestions:

1. Recognize that you a steward of your children, not an owner. Your kids belong to God.

2. Let your kids say ‘No’ sometimes. The most basic boundary word is the word ‘No’. No defines where you end and your child begins. If you never allow your kids to say ‘No’, you are teaching them to say ‘Yes’ to everything.

3. Never remove choice. Don’t use language like this, “You will clean your room!” Instead say, “You can choose to clean your room or not, but if you choose not to clean your room, then no video games for a week.”

4. Do not make every choice for them. Teach them to listen to their conscience.

5. Allow the “Law of Sowing and Reaping” to function in their life. Do not rescue your kids from wrong choices. Let them experience how the real world operates.

6. Teach them to pull their own wagon. Never do for your kids what they can do for themselves. Many times it is easier to do it yourself, but this is not good for your kids.

How do you create Boundaries with your kids?